DARLING REDEFINED

Hola readers! How's summer been treating ya?! I am currently having a blast down south.....in Mexico. Here are just a few pictures of my trip to Acapulco. The rest are in Facebook.






In two days it will be officially autumn in Canada. I will really miss the summer heat and holiday of course. 8 months of hardwork, assignments, presentation will begin soon. Not to mention the cold crappy weather in Hamilton. Sigh...instead of feeling all sad about it I guess the better thing to do is to enjoy the last days of my break to the fullest. And spend as much time as I can with my other half before the cruel distance separates us once more...See you when the school opens.

Call me strange but really... I have serious problems with wedding. I rather stay at home and read a good book than attending a wedding ceremony. I am quick to reply with all kinds of excuses whenever I am invited to a wedding. The thought of listening to the infamous Wedding March tune is enough to make my stomach churns and my palms sweat. I must say I am quite successful in avoiding real weddings so far...but it is not easy to avoid those wedding scenes on TV. YES I fear those weddings on TVs too. Whenever I am confronted with one, I would automatically grab the remote with the skill of a ninja and turn to other channels. So you see...I am not really a wedding person.

Ironically I have been together with my boyfriend for five years. Sure enough I start to feel uneasy when people start to ask us when will we get married. I do not fear commitment...it is just that I fear the wedding ceremony itself. I just hate the entire atmosphere...the stares of the guests...the stress of preparing for a wedding..the pressure of the entire wedding vow ritual..the cost of the reception dinner...it is all just absurd to me. Why go through all the difficulties of telling everyone that you are committed to love someone?

So what kind of wedding is ideal for me? First and foremost I only want between 50-80 guests.Just close friends and close family members is enough for me. Unfortunately family have the habit of inviting well over 200 guests for weddings but I wont let that happen in mine. Moreover, I prefer not to have my wedding in a close setting like a church. I rather have my wedding in a garden or beach, or anywhere close to nature itself. It will give me some space to breathe and relax. Finally, I would like to have just a simple wedding dress. No 30 meters train or Victorian skirt. I dont want to look like a Bridzilla on my wedding day feeling all uncomfortable and ugly. And if possible, I do not want to hear the Wedding March tune...it is just the worst composition of music I ever known in my entire life. Tall order for someone who really fears weddings eh?

I am hoping I could cope with this whole phobia of weddings soon. I'd love to come to my friend's wedding and just enjoy the day. Any tips on overcoming my fear?

His family showed me some of the old photos of the families. Naturally the ones that I am most interested with is Daniel's baby pictures. It is hard to believe this little baby in this pictures is now the boyfriend I love. Maybe in a few years we will have the exact clone of this baby :D.




When he was just 3 days old.



Daniel and one of his uncles.



The day he was baptized.



Days when he was super cute and adorable. Now he is more of a quite and macho type.




He and his young dad



With his mom. When he was baby he looks more like his mom but as he grows he looks more like his father. There is one picture of his dad that looks so much like Daniel now. Maybe that explains why Daniel is his mom's favourite among his siblings :D



This is my personal favourite photo of him. Look how chubby he was :D:D. He was just one years old. His mom told me he loved to eat soup and beans and this time when other babies prefer milk and other baby food.



His 4th birthday with his sister Norma. Er...I don't know what he is doing in the picture.



Daniel and his godfather and his wife. His godfather passed away last year at a very young age of 50.




Those eyes...that I love so much till this very day :D He got his eyes from his mom.




I believe this is the same uncle in the earlier picture. Everyone changes a lot over the years.

There are more pictures of him but with the slow internet connection it is almost impossible to upload all of them. I even found one naked photo of him when he was three ;)

This helluva enigma baffles me for quite some time now. It's regarding what some (extremely narcissist) people do on Facebook. Well yeah it is their Facebook so it is their right but...still...there are really certain things that annoys other users who are not your close friends. So please be considerate of their walls too.

Changing profile pictures weekly/daily/hourly is pretty common. But I just don't get it when someone takes a picture of themselves...alone,and started tagging everyone in their friend's list in it. It's fine if they are trying to show that they are at the beach, or..maybe cooking pancakes, or catching the bus or whatever. But taking picture just for the purpose of showing how you look like TODAY and later tags everyone in it...that's just ridiculous. Like what the heck are they thinking??? It gets annoying when you have to untag yourself all the time from this kind of pictures -_-. Enuff said.

Paradise on earth is when you could spend some time with your other half in a nice warm, weather and preferably... on a beautiful beach. Imagine holding hand with your loved one while walking along the sandy beach....as the sun sets on the horizon...romantic kisses follow...awwww! Ahem anyway I am currently counting down the days to go down to the state of Quintana Roo. It is a present for our coming 5th anniversary. It is pretty rainy here nowadays. Hopefully the weather is sunny in Quintana Roo when we go there.

Beach in Quintana Roo

Aerial view of Cancun

This, however, is NOT Cancun. This is the Greek Island of Mykonos. It is in my list of future honeymoon destination. *Hintety hint hint ;)

So...yeah.... I am enjoying my summer break in full swing now. I guess this explains the low frequency of updates in my blog. Hope you guys are enjoying your summer too =).

...With the dance in this song called "Total Disguise " by Serhat and Viktor Lazlo. I have been watching this video over and over again... fantasizing I am the girl in the video who dance gracefully with the guy who is also an excellent dance partner. Unfortunately for now I am yet to master the ballroom dance. I do know the basics though. I took a Latin and ballroom dance class since the last 2 months. My conclusion so far...Latin dance is more relaxing and it is meant to be a club dance so it is less formal. On the other hand, ballroom dance is more technical. Your head has to be tilted in a certain direction, your feet has to move in a certain way. Moreover you have to learn different dances such as Waltz, Tango, Rumba and Cha Cha. Personal favourite... hmm I love salsa in Latin dance. After all, being a pure Mexican my boyfriend is good in salsa. But I do love Tango and Waltz too. Tango looks so dramatic and of course...sexy :P.

I got myself a new pair of dancing shoes yesterday. I pick silver because I have a black dress. So it will look nice when I go dancing with him. Since dancing is my new hobby, I thought it will be best if i get a real dancing shoes. Dancing shoes are specially designed to withstand the long hours of dancings. Furthermore, the soles were made from suede instead of typical rubber so that the dancer could glide easily on the dance floor. Besides it is much more flexible and easier to bend than normal heels. I tried to wear my dance shoes at home to get comfortable with it and to stretch it so it match my feet. Just pray I don't break my ankle while sashaying around the house with 3 inch heels.

No...not menses. In case you thought it is. Or.....is it......? Either way this post will be a bit emotional. What I mean by that time is a stretch of time when me and him are having a big fight. Like the Canadian goose big fights are pretty seasonal for the two of us I must admit. It seems that everytime before we go and see each other after months apart, we tend to have a fight about a week before we meet. The issues are different each time we fight though.

Last Saturday I confronted him about whether he is really serious about his plan to come over in September. The last months was pretty tainted with disappointments as none of his plan to come and visit me ever ... come true. Not even on my 21st birthday. I was really heartbroken when he told me they didn't approve his visa application due to lack of convincing financial balance. It was just a day before he is scheduled to fly. I never feel so.... disappointed. Never.

From that time onward ...it seems like all hell broke loose. For me at least. At first we planned maybe he could come somewhere in late March, it didnt happen. Then we plan for him to come over in May to enjoy the early summer and later in July for him to pick me up and we can head to Mexico together , even I tried to help him a bit with the financial things and send him some money to make his account look convincing enough. That plan too was thwarted. It seems that he can't come because....well he can't . He has to work and he cant come anytime he want. So fine. He sent me back my money.

Then, we agreed he could come on July for pick me up. Well not surprisingly that too will not materialized because....well he want to quit his job soon so he prefer to not take any holiday so he could claim some money for the holidays he didnt take. And use it to come in September. When I ask him last Saturday about whether he need me to bring some documents to help him with the visa process that he need to undergo before coming over in September, I got pretty upset when he shows this "yeah, whatever" attitude. Which is the reason why I begin to question him about whether he is serious or not with his plan.

I have my limits too. I have been disappointed for ...freaking 5 TIMES the last few months! I really just cant afford to have one more false hope about him coming. I am tired of having high hopes and being disappointed over and over again. And am I to be blamed if I say, "I start to feel you are not doing enough for the relationship" ? By saying that it seems that now I hurt his feeling. That sentence hit him so hard that he dont want to talk to me for two days now to think about that thing that I said. I begin to wonder whatever happened to the man who used to be my companion in the cold winter, who used to come last minutes to Canada in my rescue, who used to fly over here just to say goodbye before I go back to my country. Where do that hero go?

Is it just me who is being too demanding and not considering the difficult situation he is facing at work now ? Maybe I am wrong for saying he is not doing anything for the relationship. I must say I should appreciate him for toiling from morning to night to save some money. Unfortunately in the end I just blurted out all my discontent after all the months of....patience with his...situations or excuses, depend on how you see it. And later blaming him for not doing enough for the relationship by not being able to come over here. But really I dont know if it is fair for me to come over to his place all the time we could meet. I am just a girl, a student even. I need money as much as he needs money too. But it doesnt mean i dont want to go there, because really I want to meet him as much as I can. It is just that... it will be nice if he could at least show me some effort that he tried his best to come here instead. Somehow I feel there is really more to this problem than just the difficulties with the visa application.

I hope this will end soon. I am getting tired of being treated coldly and ignored. Even If I died in accident tomorrow he wont know anything about it since he never even ask or care about whatever happened to me the last couple of days. And when it ends, I hope both of us learn a lesson from it and hopefully make the relationship stronger than before.